Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Plabnox Cures’ Twelve-Step Programs Series Presents…Artificial Sweeteners Anonymous

Dr. Peter Perofovich, in a recent conversation with his colleague, Dr. Prosperina Swinnard, revealed that he has been struggling to kick the Splenda habit. Swinnard, a recent disciple of Artificial Sweeteners Anonymous, had phoned Perofovich in order to complete step nine of the program and apologize for the effect her Splenda intake had had on their friendship and professional relationship. Dr. Perofovich was impressed by Swinnard’s dietary journey and decided to give the program a whirl. The twelve steps have been printed below, with permission from Plabnox Cures, Inc.

1.We admitted we were powerless over Splenda—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a natural, unrefined sugar greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our menus over to the care of Plabnox Cures as we understand It.

4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of our artificially sweetened ingestion.

5. Admitted to Plabnox Cures, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have Plabnox Cures remove all these defects on our grocery lists.

7. Humbly asked Plabnox to remove our dietary shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed in our abuse of Splenda, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would fatten them or others.

10. Continued to take inventory of our vittles and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through raw sugar and organic honey to improve our conscious contact with Plabnox Cures as we understand It, praying only for knowledge of Its Will for our snacks and the power to compose those snacks.

12. Having had a comestible awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to Splenda users, and to practice these restrictions in all our repasts.

1 comment:

Bio Nerd said...

I LOVE splenda!!! I will continue to use it EVERYDAY!