Friday, June 26, 2009

MJ Party!

The Plabnox doctors are feting Michael Jackson, one of their favorite performers of all time. They will be hosting two simultaneous parties (for your convenience) at different locations; the two galas will each feature a 13" black and white TV broadcasting what is happening at the other.

Event information

Venues: the White House (Washington, D.C., hosted by Dr. Swinnard); Moose Club lodge #1391 (Williamstown, Vermont; hosted by Dr. Perofovich)
Date: Monday, June 28 2009
Time: 4:00 a.m.


*Bring your own snarl bang (n.b. the snarl bang is the sentient chunk of hair frequently seen dangling over MJ's forehead)

Plabnox remembers Plabnox admiring MJ

In 2003, Plabnox Cures made the following breakthrough webpage to dispel controversy surrounding Michael Jackson's physiognomy. On the afternoon following his untimely death, we remember our webpage, reproduced here:

Plabnox Cures Presents...

An MJ Breakthrough!

Have the Pet Detectives finally discovered MJ's secret?

During the recent MJ interview on ABC, Pet Detectives Piggy Peggy and Penelope Ravioli both discovered, independently, what is the secret behind MJ's facial metamorphosis. Some have claimed it's an obsession with perfection, others that it's a sick addiction. But the Pet Dets have stumbled upon the real explanation: MJ is trying to become Peter Pan

First, take a look at some supporting facts:

  • MJ's home is called "Neverland"
  • MJ has multiple larger than life depictions of Peter Pan on his ranch
  • MJ said, during the interview, "I'm Peter Pan in my heart."
  • MJ has a childlike spirit
  • MJ relates to children on an emotional level
  • MJ wants to remain in his childhood, just as Peter Pan lived in eternal childhood
  • During the interview, MJ uttered the phrase, "I want to live forever."

The Pet Detectives sifted through scores of MJ and Peter Pan pictures hoping to find similarities between the singer and the Disney character. They did not come up empty-handed. Below are the results of their search and subsequent scientific analyses of certain pairs of images.

1. The Nose

Much ado has been made of MJ's nose. Some tabloids claim it is falling off, and an alleged plastic surgery expert recently asserted that MJ's nose is "beyond the point of no turning back." However, the Pet Dets have noticed that MJ's nose is in fact becoming increasingly pixie-like, i.e., more like Peter Pan's.

2. The Eye Region

In the pictures that follow, pay special attention to MJ's eyebrows and eye shape. The brows are thick and angled like Peter Pan's, and the eyes are lifted and less oblong.

3. The Entire Cranium

Don't let the trees block your view of the forest--you should pay attention to MJ's entire face, not just certain features. In the images that follow, the Pet Dets present whole-face analyses. Be sure to note similarities between MJ's and Peter's hair styles, cheekbones, and facial structures.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The 2-in-1 Book Series

Are you too busy to read every classic, fascinating, informative, and sensational book out there? Fear not. Drs. and Swinnard present a way to cut your reading time in half: the Plabnox 2-in-1 series. Each book in this series takes the first half of one book and the second half of another and merges them into one volume, allowing you, the reader, to kill two works with one tome. This month, Plabnox premieres the first eleven volumes in the 2-in-1 series. Summaries follow.

8. Emma/Powers of Horror
Synopsis: For Emma, raised to think well of herself, has such a high opinion of her own worth that it blinds her to the opinions of others. The story revolves around a comedy of errors: Emma befriends Harriet Smith, a young woman of unknown parentage, and attempts to remake her in her own image. Ignoring the gaping difference in their respective fortunes and stations in life, Emma convinces herself and her friend that Harriet should look as high as Emma herself might for a husband--and she zeroes in on an ambitious vicar as the perfect match. At the same time, she reads too much into an extensive treatise by Julia Kristeva on the subject of abjection and all it entails. Starting with Sigmund Freud and Jacques Lacan's theories, Kristeva examines horror, marginalization, castration, the phallic signifier, the "I/Not I" dichotomy, the Oedipal complex, exile, and other concepts appropriate to feminist criticism and queer theory.

9. S/Z: An Essay/The Secret (Fear Street Saga Trilogy, No. 2) Synopsis: Language is both a luxury and a discipline for Barthes. He pursues a subject through language until he meets an old gypsy who tells him his family will all die in a terrible fire. Terrified, he changes the family name to Fear, but he can't escape the curse.

10. The Da Vinci Code/Gender Trouble: Feminism and the Subversion of Identity
Synopsis: Dan Brown masterfully concocts an intelligent and lucid thriller that marries the gusto of an international murder mystery with a collection of fascinating esoterica culled from 2,000 years of Western history. A murder in the silent after-hour halls of the Louvre museum reveals a sinister plot to question traditional and feminist sex/gender distinctions.

11. Little Women/Fetishism and Curiosity
Synopsis: The beautiful Meg, artistic tomboy Jo, doomed Beth, and selfish Amy: since the publication of Little Women in 1869, these four sisters have become America’s most beloved literary siblings. Louisa May Alcott’s rich and realistic portrait has inspired three movies and stirred the emotions of countless young girls. Set in New England during the Civil War, the novel follows the adventures of the March sisters as they struggle to pursue the pleasures, and displeasures, of narrative cinema.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Plabnox Doctors Seek Employment

Attention HR managers! The esteemed Drs. and Prosperina Swinnard are seeking employment. Below, please find our résumés. Contact us at to begin the hiring process. N.B. only the first 15,000 responses will be answered.

Dr. Prosperina Swinnard
88 North 25th Street #4
Philadelphia, PA 19130
(008) 226-7122

Professional Experience

October 2004-June 2006: Spaulding High School (Barre, VT)
A/V Lady
-Acquired film titles for library and managed audio-visual equipment
-Proven leadership in expanding 30 minute lunch breaks into 90 minute affairs encompassing sexual intercourse in the cemetery of an adjacent town followed by creemees
-Consistency in arriving late to work by at least 25 minutes each day
-Ability to drive 65 mph to work in a 25 mph zone without being apprehended by police
-Skilled in taking multiple snack breaks throughout the work day

Summer 2005: The Gap (Burlington, VT)
Sales Associate
-Eagerly avoided customers at every opportunity
-Fluent in heaving sighs and producing disgruntled expressions
-Sought seated and sedentary work with energy and motivation
-Innovated the vanishing method of quitting by showing up for a shift with boyfriend parked outside with getaway car, acquiring last paycheck, and “going to the bank”—never to return again

July 2006-August 2007: Clarke Galleries (Stowe, VT)
Gallery Manager
-Skilled in keeping Firefox tabs in a work:leisure ratio of 1:20
-Gained experience in tactics of belligerence and insubordination
-Developed antagonistic relationships with gallery manager and all male clients
-Assumed new responsibilities begrudgingly and after lengthy negotiations which involved questioning and deconstructing hierarchies of power
-Constructed hand-crafted cardboard shipping boxes for multimillion dollar works of art out of a 15’ x 20’ x 8’ mound of scrap packing materials

September 2000-Present: Plabnox Cures (the world)
-Authoring and designing a wide array of posts concerning social, cultural, political, and scholarly issues
-Virtuosic in self-congratulation

Other Interests and Skills:
Does not multi-task. Is not a team player. Borderline personality with comorbid hysteria, high level of anxiety, and antisocial and sociopathic traits. Types 72 wpm. Experience with Word, psychotic breaks, Excel, and illicit behavior.

References available upon request.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Behind the Virtual Curtain: a peek into the making of Plabnox

Dr. Swinnard: You can catch an assortment of diseases by doing that-- ones that will make your limbs fall off.

Dr. Swinnard: Won't they just disintegrate?

Dr. Swinnard: Wow.

Dr. Swinnard: If you do it, you should tape an instructional video and post it to Plab and youtube.

You're turning into your grandmother.

Dr. Swinnard: I want to post this on Plab.

Dr. Swinnard: Def.

Should I post it now?