Published by Drs. Swinnard and Perofovich
The subject, Jasper H., is a three-year-old male domestic shorthaired who presents with gender identity disorder, accompanied by comorbid narcissistic personality traits. Jasper’s parents have observed him performing obsessive preening rituals and gazing longingly at himself in the mirror. Preferring traditionally feminine toys rendered in magentas and purples and festooned with spangles, glitter, and bright plumage, Jasper avoids more subdued and manly furry toys in mottled browns and grays.
The subject’s psyche remains embroiled in an unresolved oedipal conflict, manifested by an overidentification with and incestuous feelings for his mother, and aggressive behavior toward his father. Jasper is wont to revisit the primal scene by invading his parents’ bed in the middle of the night. He brings to the bed his fluorescent pink mousie, itself a heavily cathected fetish object, (he displays his repetition compulsion through daily assault, disembowelment, and symbolic rape of the mousie). After dropping the fetish object upon his mother’s head, Jasper will attempt to (re)merge with the maternal body by licking her face, squatting on her, or purring into one of her orifices. In order to break Jasper’s identification with his mother and encourage identification with the father to correct his gender deviance, Drs. Swinnard and Perofovich recommended the subject’s parents immediately assume unyielding gender roles along a traditional male-female binary. Through training with a toilet brush and a parasol, Dr. Swinnard has been working with Jasper’s mother on the arts of domestic subservience and feminine frivolity. Jasper’s father has been assisted by Dr. Perofovich in the areas of abusive and domineering speech, wielding the phallus, brandishing the kitchen knife, and ingesting mammoth quantities of red meat.
Drs. Swinnard and Perofovich, after living with Jasper’s family for four months in order to effect 24-hour psychological surveillance of the subject, reproduce below the most alarming examples of Jasper’s flamboyant behavior.
Symptom 1: Flaccid wrists. Additional footage of Jasper's wrists can be viewed here.
Symptom 2: Affinity for plumed and polychromatic objects.
Symptom 3: Shameless bodily display. 
Plabnox Cures Presents...
An MJ Breakthrough!
Have the Pet Detectives finally discovered MJ's secret?
During the recent MJ interview on ABC, Pet Detectives Piggy Peggy and Penelope Ravioli both discovered, independently, what is the secret behind MJ's facial metamorphosis. Some have claimed it's an obsession with perfection, others that it's a sick addiction. But the Pet Dets have stumbled upon the real explanation: MJ is trying to become Peter Pan
First, take a look at some supporting facts:
The Pet Detectives sifted through scores of MJ and Peter Pan pictures hoping to find similarities between the singer and the Disney character. They did not come up empty-handed. Below are the results of their search and subsequent scientific analyses of certain pairs of images.
1. The Nose
Much ado has been made of MJ's nose. Some tabloids claim it is falling off, and an alleged plastic surgery expert recently asserted that MJ's nose is "beyond the point of no turning back." However, the Pet Dets have noticed that MJ's nose is in fact becoming increasingly pixie-like, i.e., more like Peter Pan's.
In the pictures that follow, pay special attention to MJ's eyebrows and eye shape. The brows are thick and angled like Peter Pan's, and the eyes are lifted and less oblong.
3. The Entire Cranium
Don't let the trees block your view of the forest--you should pay attention to MJ's entire face, not just certain features. In the images that follow, the Pet Dets present whole-face analyses. Be sure to note similarities between MJ's and Peter's hair styles, cheekbones, and facial structures.
