Monday, May 26, 2008

Plabnox Travels to Vermont

A fortnight ago, I set out in Jerri, who was still convalescing from her latest injury (see Plablognox post of May 6 2008), for Vermont. I had to swing by Thorndike’s dwelling in Manhattan to pick up that nugget. Jerri was moving at a nice clip until she hit a traffic gridlock 5 miles outside the Holland Tunnel. This, along with the septic air and mid-morning smog, induced a panic attack, which lasted the two hours it took to reach the tunnel. After the tunnel debacle, I encountered a whimsical traffic cop who was “directing” the flow of vehicles near a construction site. He threw up his hands at Jerri, causing her to come to an absolute halt. As soon as she had ceased motion, however, he broke into a frenzy of whistle-tooting and gesticulations for her to proceed through the intersection. This resulted in an onslaught of horn-blowing directed at Jerri. Moodily, I parked chez Thorn while he gathered his luggage. Our exodus from the island was slowed by a trio of Astro minivans, who had colluded to drive 3mph while straddling two lanes.

Below: The lethargic Astro.

Twin equine touchholes heralded our arrival in southern Vermont.

Soon after that auspicious sign, Jerri found herself being tailed by an aggressive Thomas (see Jerri had been flaunting her multi-colored wires for several hundred miles,

so it was only a matter of time before a member of the Thomas species picked up on her musky scent.

It is a well-known fact that May is the zenith of mating season for the Thomas. This particular specimen bore down on Jerri with unrelenting passion. A lady, she evaded his boorish overtures and lost him on one of Vermont’s renowned highway knolls.

After we lost the Thomas, we realized we had hit Vermont during a most inopportune time-- rush hour. A horde of commuters in high dudgeon hemmed Jerri in on all sides.

Below: Rush hour traffic in Vermont.

Thorndike tabulated examples of the Vermont driver by photographing them as Jerri passed. The technique was perfected over a series of experimental trials, during which we lost an Eagle, a rare breed of driver. Yet, as scientists, we realized that casualties are inevitable in any scientific study. In its final version, the technique involved pulling up alongside an unsuspecting driver at a high velocity, slowing to a rate .01 mph faster than said driver to enable Thorndike to snap a clear photograph of the victim, and then speeding away into the landscape.

Below: A montage of the Vermont driver in his various forms.

Before we honed in on central Vermont, our destination, Jerri quenched her gas thirst at a Mobil station. Mobil is our favorite gas purveyor because of its environmentally friendly business policies. We especially liked this Mobil outpost for its slogan, “On the Run,” with which we strongly identified.

No comments: