Job Application Tips
In order to land a successful position in today’s competitive market, the savvy applicant will follow the avant-garde job application format, revealed below.
Contents of the Successful Job Application:
1. The application must comprise precisely 6 pieces of paper.
a. One piece should be a letter of interest.
b. The remaining 5 pieces can take the form of any paper product. Examples include:
i. Grocery lists
ii. Driving directions
iii. Post-it notes to self or others
iv. Phone or utility bills
2. The ambitious applicant will also enclose a “slice of life ingredient,” which will give the recipient insight into the applicant’s day-to-day existence. This part of the application should be small, yet thoughtful. Examples include:
a. A half-eaten favorite snack
b. A prescription label
c. A self-portrait (can be a photograph, oil painting, or other medium)
d. A lock of hair
e. Chunk of cat fur
4 comments:
When faced with a difficult interview question, I always like to break into song from one of my favorite musicals. If you can find a piece of furniture to stand on while singing, it only enhances the interviewer's state of awe. Some songs recs are: "You're the One That I Want - GREASE", "Mama, I'm a Big Girl Now - HAIRSPRAY", "If I Were A Rich Man - FIDDLER ON THE ROOF".
Nice suggestions. To go along with Aarons comments, I like to do one better and display an interpretive dance to any question I find difficult to explain in words.
Examples include:
when asked 'where do you see yourself in five years' I often hit ground and play dead for ten or fifteen minutes
when asked 'what are your interests' i find the "where's your wallet" dance works best
when asked 'who are your influences' i often reference oprah for popular appeal and hop around giving people stuff, scratching my arm-pits and screaming OOH-GAH OOH-GAH
Wearing a fluorescent pink dress with matching shoes and barrettes (ladies, you know what I’m talking about!) is incredibly effective. The interviewer will desperately try to keep his eyes off of you due to the insidious headaches the will develop, but alas, the brightness of the attire will keep his wandering eyes coming back for more. Another tactic that works well is the Eskimo kiss before and after the interview, and after every awkward silent moment that happens during the interview. And finally a favorite of mine is to use a heavily infused lisp in order to make any uttered word inaudible. Combine that with the Eskimo kiss of every awkward silent moment that is sure to follow your muffled statements and you will have a winner of a first impression! For maximum success combine all three and I promise you that not only will you get hired, but you’ll also get a higher wage and the much coveted preferential parking.
These are all great suggestions! I would also like to add that when entering into the interview, the interviewer often times tells you to sit down and make yourself comfortable. In this case, in order to feel relaxed I often times like to take off my shoes and pull my bathrobe out of my bag to be at the utmost comfort level. The stinkier the feet the better, that way the interviewer knows how comfy you really are. I also try to speak in the Lang, that way they can see how quickly we will be able to communicate.
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